


Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

by respektblatt (thealwaystired)



Series: Franky Doyle in Wentworth Season 5 [2]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-23 15:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10721877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealwaystired/pseuds/respektblatt
Summary: S5 Ep3It’s that moment you realise that maybe right now that anger and drive to take violent action is stronger, more present than that other part, than that love you share, and that’s where you start to feel scared...





	1. Bridget

**Author's Note:**

> This one hurt. It really did.

Walking down the hallway looking for Franky, Bridget can hear her heart racing in her chest. She doesn’t know whether it's because she’s excited or scared or both at the same time. All she knows for sure is that she’s got to talk to Franky as quickly as possible.

 

 

Bridget is still hurt, but she doesn't feel that betrayed, sad, scared, maybe even angry anymore like she did before.

She just couldn't keep it up for long. The urge to sort this out, to make things right again - to whatever extend that was even possible given the circumstances - was too big. So she took these files from Will and brought them to Franky's cell herself, knowing she would meet her there. More than a visit to hand her some information printed on paper though, it was her first approach at a conversation she knew both of them needed. Franky had been the one who had breached the trust, it was on her to rebuild it this time - Bridget knew that Franky knew that. Still, she also knew that Franky couldn't work up the courage and brain space to do all the work by herself at the moment. Bridget didn't hold that against her. She understood. That's why she decided to try and rebuild her part part first. After all, it wasn't entirely only Franky's fault that thing had turned out this way.

 

_"It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just trying to make sense of it all."_

 

It was true. Bridget did believe Franky. There had been a second, maybe a moment that she hadn't believed what Franky had told her, just because she had been caught of guard with all this newfound information that had been held back from her all these days, weeks, months. But that didn't mean that Bridget didn't believe Franky in general. She did. Bridget did believe Franky and more importantly she did believe IN Franky.

It was also true that she tried, god did she try hard, to make sense of it all. Franky seemed to be so damn sure to know what had happened, and Bridget? She didn’t have clue. She just felt lost and at the same time so determined to not show that off in any way. If Franky didn’t need anything in this world right now, it was someone who was even more trapped than her. Apparently she didn’t need Bridget at all.

 

_“Not sitting here, talking to you.”_

 

The message was pretty clear. Bridget knew that there was absolutely no point in trying to get behind Franky’s walls right now. She knew these walls and it was probably one of the things that hurt her the most - to see them back up again. She’s talked through them so many times, she's broken them down once, she knew she could do it again, but she also knew that that moment just wasn’t the time to get started with that. So she turned around and left.

 

 

Now she’s looking for Franky again, she will try and talk to her again and god, she hopes that this time Franky will actually listen to her.

Getting through that conversation with the Freak without completely freaking out herself and breaking down just right there in her office must count for something. Getting through time alone with Joan Ferguson must count for something. Not that Bridget has always been this vulnerable when it came to being around the Freak. She has always known how to handle psychopaths. She’s read the books, she’s worked the cases, she’s talked to the people - she’s been used to that.

Now, though, she feels like it - her work in general really - is slowly but surely eating up on her. She’s just so caught up in her own emotions, her heart is hurting so much itself, she can hardly deal with any more shit being thrown at her in any way.

Sometimes, in these small and very short moments, when the darkness of the night covers everything into its somehow comforting calm, she feels like she can barley breath.

She feels like yesterday she died and tomorrow’s already bleeding.


	2. Franky

Franky doesn't want to. Franky doesn't want any of this.

Franky doesn’t want to have to say it, but it’s the only way she can see this not ending terribly bad for Bridget. Why doesn’t she understand that risking her career, the beautiful life she has build up for herself wasn’t meant to be put at risk by what is essentially Franky’s fight - not Bridget’s? She shouldn’t be here, talking to Franky, telling her all these things. She shouldn’t have met with the Freak, she shouldn’t have been alone with her, just as much as she shouldn’t be alone with Franky right now. So even though she hates to say it and she can barely bring her mouth to form the words...

 

_“Until I get outta here Gidge, I don’t wanna see or hear from you anymore, okay?”_

 

It isn’t a question, it didn’t quite come out as a command either. Really, it sounded way more like a plea for Bridget to please listen to her and let Franky fight this on her own. That’s probably exactly what it was. She needs Bridget to stay away, she needs her to not get caught up in all of this, but as much as she can tell from Bridget’s eyes right after the words have left her mouth, it hasn’t been enough to actually achieve that.

Of course it hasn’t been enough.

 

_“I love you. I’m not gonna let you rot in here.”_

 

Bridget’s words from just a few moments before still echo in Franky’s ears. She knows that she has meant it, that there is absolutely no way for Bridget to not help Franky get out of this place as quickly as possible, though, in fact, that is exactly what Franky needs her to do.

Had the circumstances been different, Franky probably would have been the happiest person alive when hearing these words - god, would she have been happy! There would have been a warm feeling building in her stomach, her heart would have started beating faster, her eyes would have started to slightly burn fighting tears of happiness. She would have held Bridget's hands for a brief moment, then taken them up to her face, where she would have held her ever so gentle, just to look her in the eyes - like, really look her in the eyes - before kissing her as an attempt of showing her that she feels the same.

But right now, in this situation, Bridget's words were exactly what Franky is afraid of the most - Bridget telling her that she loved her and Bridget being willing to sacrifice literally everything for Franky - she can’t stand that idea. It scares her.

She’s afraid of it because she is afraid for Bridget. This fierce woman who Franky has always admired for so many things including her incredible willpower, believe and strength to keep going - she isn’t afraid. Yes, there have been moments in the last few days, especially when Franky first got back in, when Bridget couldn’t hide that tiny bit of fear that had settled into her heart when she first heard about Franky being arrested. But still, she hasn’t been afraid like Franky has been and still is. She isn’t as afraid of losing her job, of having people find out about their relationship, of what the Freak’s capable of, of the possibility that Franky might as well have been the one who lied in a pile of her own blood outside Wentworth a few weeks ago. Bridget wasn’t afraid and she still isn’t standing across Franky in this dark room inside this dark place. So Franky is afraid for her. She’s afraid for her and therefore afraid of all the love and trust and believe she can see in Bridget’s eyes even now. For some reason that might be related to that fear - probably actually - and something else that she hasn’t quite figured out for herself yet, Franky feels the urge to destroy that love and trust and believe.

 

_“Just stay away.”_

 

Maybe she’s wanted to destroy it before anyone else could. Maybe, for some twisted reason that hardly makes sense in her own head, she wants to be the one to hurt Bridget so that no one else would. A small part inside her, though, keeps telling her that she hasn’t done enough yet to actually keep Bridget out of this fight and thereby away from the pain.

 

Franky’s feeling the pain already, Bridget shouldn’t have to, too. In fact, waking up that morning, she felt like yesterday she died and tomorrow was already bleeding...

Today though, today she could still safe Bridget.

 

She’s tried and knows she’s failed in the very moment she leaves the room.


	3. Bridget

As Bridget is walking to Franky's cell, she really hopes that Franky will be as glad to hear the news as she was just minutes before when Vera told her about them. She really hopes that Franky will come with her and talk to her - that's all she wants. She needs to sort this out, she knows, they both do.

She’s aware that Franky probably disagrees, that she doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t even want to see Bridget. She’s made that pretty clear often enough now, but Bridget is convinced that that’s just her fear and her pain talking. Underneath all that damage that the past couple of days have done, there is still love, there is still the Franky that told her that she was a 'dirty bird'. Bridget can see that.

A little smile flashes across Bridget’s face when thinking about that evening - good times. She’s more than determined to bring them back, make them even better.

 

_“I know a lot of people have let you down, but I’m not one of them.”_

 

Bridget hopes that Franky can see that. Even more so she hopes that Franky will allow herself to follow Bridget’s lead for just a second - follow her into her office. She’s sure that as soon as they will be in somewhat of a private space - private in Wentworth - Franky will let these walls fall - she’s done it before, behind closed doors, Bridget sitting in this green armchair. Bridget knows that Franky would do it again, in fact, she’s sure that Franky’s just waiting to finally be able to let her guard down again for just a little bit of time.

 

_“It’s over!”_

 

For a brief moment, Bridget was shocked. Yet, she was quick enough to react, quick enough to refuse to accept that. Franky wasn’t the only person in this relationship, she just as equally had a say in all of this - that’s what her heart told her. Of course her brain knew that if Franky wanted this to be over, there was nothing she could do about that. Her heart and mind, though, agreed that this was by far not what Franky really wanted. So there was no way that Bridget would accept it.

 

_“You’ll lose your job!”_

 

Bridget was so tired of hearing that. She was so fed up with Franky trying to hide her own fear behind the importance of Bridget’s career. Did she really think she couldn’t see what was happening here? Did Franky really think she could shut Bridget out? Did she really think that Bridget couldn’t see everything that was truly lingering behind these words when looking into Franky’s eyes? Hadn’t she made it clear often enough that she didn’t give a fuck about her career when it came at the price of Franky’s freedom and their relationship?

 

_“I’m thinking about telling them anyway.”_

 

Actually she hadn’t really thought about that, but she felt like she needed to step ahead here, in order to make Franky understand all these things. Somehow she reached her goal. Franky had nothing to say to that. She must have understood that Bridget could exactly see what Franky had been trying to do all along.

 

_“That’s fucked!”_

 

'Yeah’, Bridget thought, 'all of this is pretty fucked'.

It was fucked that Franky was locked in behind bars, it was fucked that she didn’t talk to Bridget, it was fucked that no one would help them because no one knew about them, therefore no one really knew the truth. It was fucked that her job was caging her in more and more, it was fucked that Ferguson and the others had such a huge impact on her life. It was fucked. All of it.

 

_“I’m not gonna have Ferguson dictate my life.”_

 

Therefore Ferguson could piss off as much as her career could, if needed. So could the bars on the windows, Wentworth, Franky’s attempts of shutting her out. Bridget didn’t give a damn.

 

_“I don’t care, I’ll just get another bloody job! I’ll visit you, and I’ll wait for you.”_

 

That was all Bridget had - the promise to Franky as much as herself that she would stay, no matter what. No matter how hard, how painful, how exhausting, no matter how many tears shed, how many times hearts would break, how many nights she couldn’t get any sleep.

But Franky didn’t want any of these things for Bridget - of course she didn’t, she loved her.

 

_“What if you’re waiting forever?”_

 

That question might as well have been an 'I love you' for Bridget. It might as well have been a 'What if you can never live a happy life because I’m sitting behind bars? What if you'll wait all your life for a future that none of us know that even exists, let alone how it might turn out? What if you give up everything for something you can never really have either? I don’t want that for you. I can’t do that to you.' It might as well have been an 'I love you'.

 

_“Then I’ll wait forever.”_

 

It was Bridget’s heart saying these words. Her love and her believe, more so her trust in this love were strong enough for her not to even think about everything that could go wrong. It wouldn’t. That just might be that little bit of extra trust Bridget had in this universe and in love that Franky didn’t have - not yet. That’s probably also why she couldn’t handle this sort of promise.

 

_“You’re an idiot.”_

 

Then Franky left and Bridget stood there for another minute or so in the glowing aftermath that burned her skin just as the tears had kept burning her eyes ever since that night Franky hadn’t come home to go to bed with her. She had lied there refusing to cry, because she had needed herself to believe that things were going to be okay. Crying would have been like giving up and Bridget doesn’t give up. Not ever. Not on Franky. So she had lied there, holding back tears, trying to fall asleep feeling like yesterday she died, tomorrow’s bleeding.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you are interested in my thoughts on episode 3, feel free to check out my full review of it :-) And please, feel welcomed to share your thoughts on the stories, characters & episodes with me! :-)
> 
> Episode 3 review  
> https://www.wattpad.com/403027435-franky-doyle-wentworth-season-5-episode-three
> 
> Contact me on Twitter & Instagram @thealwaystired


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